Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Am I going to hell???

So I have never been a religious person. My parents never went to church and so the only time I ever went was when my Nana took me to our family church in Colorado. So I didn't go that often. I always liked going and I believed in god when I was little and I even said the lords prayer every night. But since my dad is an atheist and my mom was just not a church goer while I was growing up I just didn't go often. As I grew up I learned things about religion from friends and occasionally going to different churches with friends. The first incident that started me down my agnostic path happened when I was about 10 years old. My uncle was coming to visit us and he was bringing his partner. So my mom had to tell me that he was gay in order to explain why he was bringing Keith and that they were going to be living together with us (they were moving to NC and stayed with us until they found a place to live). So at first I was shocked to hear that my beloved uncle was gay. I had no clue but I was only 10. So I knew that being gay was considered a bad thing and wrong. So I didn't know what to make of it. My mom just told me that he's the same guy I had always known and this didn't make him any different. Much to my shame I was still uncertain but as soon as he came in the door it was my same old uncle and everything was fine. So then I had to deal with why would god say he was bad just because he was gay when he was such a great person. So the seed was planted. In high school I had a friend who was involved in her youth group at her church and she got me involved. I actively went for about 6 months. I had a nice time going and liked it but one day as we were in the sanctuary we were on our knees praying and the leader during his prayer asked god to forgive us for our sins committed that day. That was my breaking point. I felt like I had nothing that I needed to be forgiven for and also I just was not sure some things considered sins were really sins to me. Really was god going to send me to hell for cussing??? So this is when I really started to question religion and mostly Christianity. In the years since I have come to believe there is a higher power but it's not the God almighty according to Christianity or really any of the major religions. I do not consider my self a Christan. This makes me a HUGE minority in this country. I have become much more aware of it in this very charged political atmosphere. I respect every one's right to religion but I believe in the separation of church and state. I also believe that just because I am not a Christian does not mean I have no morals or that I can not teach my children morals. I know what is right and wrong and how human beings should treat each other. I try to do this everyday and pass the same onto my children. Anyway I was just saying today to my husband that one of the fundamental differences I have noticed between the Democrats and Republicans in the recent years is the use of god and/or religion. I think the Democrats for the most part are also Christians but we/they tend to keep it separate from politics. I just get tired of feeling like I am a bad person because of my beliefs. If you think I am going to hell then fine. That's what you believe. But don't condemn me to my face or get nasty with me. I don't shove my beliefs in your face and so I ask that you don't shove yours in mine.

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